After we said goodbye to the Mexico team on Saturday night, I went to the room I was sleeping in and all of a sudden I felt this utter hopelessness. I felt like I wasn't where I belonged, that somewhere I had taken a wrong turn, like I wasn't on the same page with God's plan for my life. The peace I'd had just hours before had turned to worry and fear. I felt alone. I hated it.
The next day when it was my turn to drive, and the others were asleep, I felt it again. Even the worship songs we were playing over the stereo were just a bunch of noise. So I turned off the radio and had a little quiet time with God. From just outside Houston, TX, to Jennings, LA, I talked with my Father. It was the most honest I've ever been with Him. It was the most honest I've ever been with myself. I held nothing back. It shook me up.
It was good to just be silent in the presence of God. To restore the peace of mind that had gone missing. To remember that His plans are better than mine, and that His dreams are bigger than mine. I realize now that it doesn't matter if God tells me my final destination. It only matters that He lets me know that I am on the right track. That's what He did with Abraham, and He has given me the same promise.
I may never truly know my purpose on earth. But as long as I pursue it, with God's help, I believe it will be accomplished. Who knows where He may lead me in the meantime? I can't wait to see . . .